Yes I wrote this. Yes, some of it rhymes, and no I don't care that some of it doesn't.
Yes, it's sad. I'm sorry so many posts are like this. Just in a really bad spot.
In fact, don't read it.
*Untitled*
The end is almost here
The days are slowly creeping by
Forever I have waited
But for tonight, again I cry
I want to look ahead and
I want to now adjust
But I cannot deny the feeling
Tonight my heart is crushed
This one hurt me
This one lost it
This one doesn’t care
You’re the oil to my water
He’s the reason I don’t share
Myself, in times of sadness
I’m treading water, loosing strength
Loosing faith in you
I fake a smile, fake a laugh
It’s only what I can do
He’s the one I really want,
But never will he notice
I’ll leave in May, move away
And I’ll never know the boldness of what we just might be
Resorting back to one would tear me down to ruin
But maybe it’s the best
Myself I have not proven
Worthy of much else
Than what it was
You ponder me ever?
I’m fonder of you.
My patience is starved
My alley is carved
How much longer will it take
For him to find me
For you to know me
To go back, this life, unmake
Tuesday, February 26, 2008
Monday, February 4, 2008
Murphy's Law
This past week has been awful.
Murphy's Law: states that things will go wrong in any given situation, if you give them a chance.
I AM: MURPHY'S LAW.
Reasons: My computer is beyond fixable and I have to buy a new one. I lost my brand new digital camera after waiting [almost] a year and a half without a camera. My closet door broke off. My car smelled like burning engine belts. I couldn't afford my rent. My piano class has turned out to be impossible. I could go on, but reliving all of this is wearing me out.
HOWEVER:
~ God has been teaching me some solid bits of wisdom.
~ I think that Satan is frightened and has chosen to attack me at my weakest points [and believe me, he knows them.]
~ I am glad to have a computer, a landlord, a car, my rent check, and an education even if it doesn't always go perfectly. Any doubts? Walk through the World Vision "Step Into Africa" tour. It stopped my complaining.
I have a lot of thoughts to write down. Some of that God stuff, and some other stuff. But I slept 2 hours last night = I'll share later.
Good night, friends.
Murphy's Law: states that things will go wrong in any given situation, if you give them a chance.
I AM: MURPHY'S LAW.
Reasons: My computer is beyond fixable and I have to buy a new one. I lost my brand new digital camera after waiting [almost] a year and a half without a camera. My closet door broke off. My car smelled like burning engine belts. I couldn't afford my rent. My piano class has turned out to be impossible. I could go on, but reliving all of this is wearing me out.
HOWEVER:
~ God has been teaching me some solid bits of wisdom.
~ I think that Satan is frightened and has chosen to attack me at my weakest points [and believe me, he knows them.]
~ I am glad to have a computer, a landlord, a car, my rent check, and an education even if it doesn't always go perfectly. Any doubts? Walk through the World Vision "Step Into Africa" tour. It stopped my complaining.
I have a lot of thoughts to write down. Some of that God stuff, and some other stuff. But I slept 2 hours last night = I'll share later.
Good night, friends.
Wednesday, January 30, 2008
A Powerful Video
I hate it when people force religion. I really do. The only reasons I share my faith is when I care deeply about someone, or if something impacts me and I need to share it. Tonight, I don't want to force anything, but read on if you wish.
I saw a video that has brought so much emotion to my heart. Hopefully, it at least makes you think. Don't worry, I know it starts out cheesy, but the end justifies it.
I can relate to this video all too well. I know what I need in life, but I keep getting sidetracked! I'm glad He's on my side, or else I'd be screwed. That's the honest truth.
I saw a video that has brought so much emotion to my heart. Hopefully, it at least makes you think. Don't worry, I know it starts out cheesy, but the end justifies it.
I can relate to this video all too well. I know what I need in life, but I keep getting sidetracked! I'm glad He's on my side, or else I'd be screwed. That's the honest truth.
Friday, January 25, 2008
The Beginning
The semester has started with a rush of energy, and I am trying my best to keep up! There are only 99 days 'til my graduation, and I am beyond enthused. After a long struggle to fill my remaining 16 units, I settled on these classes:
~ Beginning Piano for Non Music Majors
~ Intervent Strategies for Children
~ Youth Ministry: Camping
~ Intro to Business
~ Intro to Leadership
~ Senior Seminar
As you can see, most of my required classes are all finished, so now I am taking lots of Freshman level classes just to get the piece of paper that will change my life. These classes have turned out to have a lot of busy work [I had forgotten after 3 years], but the subject matter is certainly easy. So no worries. AND I have no classes on Fridays. Ahhh, so nice.
I have been in contact with someone about being hired to do floor-time therapy with autistic children. We will most likely be setting up an interview soon! I really hope to get this job!
What will happen May 4th, the day after graduation? I don't really know. I have a couple options and even was offered a summer position in Azusa, but my heart tells me to leave this place and start over. I'm really confused about what to do.
Quick Facts:
I saw Cloverfield, and it was good.
I read This Present Darkness by Frank Peretti and it was not so good.
It rained and hailed all week, so I have been happy. :-D
I picked my topic for my 25 page senior seminar paper. I am going to talk about birth order and family constellations. I read some interesting things last year while studying Alfred Adler so I am excited to do this paper.
My computer is having a battery charging problem despite the fact that I bought a new $140 battery.
I got a new digital camera for Christmas. It's been one month and I have yet to do a fun photo shoot.
I am going to see Tyrone Wells in concert tonight.
I made a commitment to myself that this semester I would begin to start over. I didn't want to wait 'til May to start feeling better. God agreed, and within the first 2 days of school, He started trying to get my attention. I decided to drive without music for a while, and I really felt connected with Him. There are some new ideas and some new feelings inside of me, and I am glad to say that it's been a great beginning. I am making a mental list of things I want to do after graduation, so one day I will share that with you! It's a work in progress, like myself, but I'm gettin' somewhere.
Thanks for reading. Have a great weekend!
~ Beginning Piano for Non Music Majors
~ Intervent Strategies for Children
~ Youth Ministry: Camping
~ Intro to Business
~ Intro to Leadership
~ Senior Seminar
As you can see, most of my required classes are all finished, so now I am taking lots of Freshman level classes just to get the piece of paper that will change my life. These classes have turned out to have a lot of busy work [I had forgotten after 3 years], but the subject matter is certainly easy. So no worries. AND I have no classes on Fridays. Ahhh, so nice.
I have been in contact with someone about being hired to do floor-time therapy with autistic children. We will most likely be setting up an interview soon! I really hope to get this job!
What will happen May 4th, the day after graduation? I don't really know. I have a couple options and even was offered a summer position in Azusa, but my heart tells me to leave this place and start over. I'm really confused about what to do.
Quick Facts:
I saw Cloverfield, and it was good.
I read This Present Darkness by Frank Peretti and it was not so good.
It rained and hailed all week, so I have been happy. :-D
I picked my topic for my 25 page senior seminar paper. I am going to talk about birth order and family constellations. I read some interesting things last year while studying Alfred Adler so I am excited to do this paper.
My computer is having a battery charging problem despite the fact that I bought a new $140 battery.
I got a new digital camera for Christmas. It's been one month and I have yet to do a fun photo shoot.
I am going to see Tyrone Wells in concert tonight.
I made a commitment to myself that this semester I would begin to start over. I didn't want to wait 'til May to start feeling better. God agreed, and within the first 2 days of school, He started trying to get my attention. I decided to drive without music for a while, and I really felt connected with Him. There are some new ideas and some new feelings inside of me, and I am glad to say that it's been a great beginning. I am making a mental list of things I want to do after graduation, so one day I will share that with you! It's a work in progress, like myself, but I'm gettin' somewhere.
Thanks for reading. Have a great weekend!
Tuesday, January 1, 2008
2008
Here’s to 2008. I suppose I am looking forward to the coming year, not because of some well-planned resolutions [that I would most likely abandon anyway]. I look forward to it because, well, there is no way it can get any worse than the year we just evaded. Some years are milestones, full of learned lessons and the strengthening of character. Although in some distant moment I may look back at 2007 as that kind of memory, I wish only to erase it completely now.
A year in review, for any who doubt me: I turned 21 and with it came new experiences filled with drama and adventure. Alcohol is marketed on hype alone. I wish it were abandoned for it has only destroyed so many fine evenings. February marks the ending of a long relationship with someone I cared deeply about. That was so hard. I’ll never forget that night. I was in counseling, and soon discovered I had a depression strong enough to demand outside help [on many levels]. I’ve never felt anything like that before. It hurt. I couldn’t escape. Sometimes, I still find myself grasped in it again. The summer was slightly awful. Despite a few trips I took to ease my mind, reality awaited me when I returned. I was betrayed by a good friend. My eyes were opened to many things I wish I had never seen, friends’ true intentions and secrets. Then came Fall and a semester from Hell. Four upper division Psychology classes and a Theology class. I am still recovering even after 2 weeks of rest. Those are the major points. If only I had space to write you what really happened. So many secrets… So much heartbreak this year. But I won’t bore you with the details…
I’d like to lose weight this year, along with every other American. I’d like to graduate and never look back. I’d like to make millions and become a successful… [well, I’d figure that out eventually I ‘spose.] I’d like to find people whom I can trust again. Maybe even find God and a church that won’t inevitably prove my theories about Christianity. To tell the truth, no resolution means as much to me as this one: I’d like to find a true happiness. Yes, that would settle it for me. I hope the same for you, dear reader. May 2008 bring you the happiness you long for. And if not, at least we have our blogs and each other to cope with what lies ahead.
A year in review, for any who doubt me: I turned 21 and with it came new experiences filled with drama and adventure. Alcohol is marketed on hype alone. I wish it were abandoned for it has only destroyed so many fine evenings. February marks the ending of a long relationship with someone I cared deeply about. That was so hard. I’ll never forget that night. I was in counseling, and soon discovered I had a depression strong enough to demand outside help [on many levels]. I’ve never felt anything like that before. It hurt. I couldn’t escape. Sometimes, I still find myself grasped in it again. The summer was slightly awful. Despite a few trips I took to ease my mind, reality awaited me when I returned. I was betrayed by a good friend. My eyes were opened to many things I wish I had never seen, friends’ true intentions and secrets. Then came Fall and a semester from Hell. Four upper division Psychology classes and a Theology class. I am still recovering even after 2 weeks of rest. Those are the major points. If only I had space to write you what really happened. So many secrets… So much heartbreak this year. But I won’t bore you with the details…
I’d like to lose weight this year, along with every other American. I’d like to graduate and never look back. I’d like to make millions and become a successful… [well, I’d figure that out eventually I ‘spose.] I’d like to find people whom I can trust again. Maybe even find God and a church that won’t inevitably prove my theories about Christianity. To tell the truth, no resolution means as much to me as this one: I’d like to find a true happiness. Yes, that would settle it for me. I hope the same for you, dear reader. May 2008 bring you the happiness you long for. And if not, at least we have our blogs and each other to cope with what lies ahead.
Thursday, December 6, 2007
Christmas Favorites
'Tis the season, so I thought I'd share some favorites...
My favorite Christmas Movies:
The Muppet Christmas Carol
A Christmas Story
The Grinch (with Jim Carey)
The Santa Clause (with Tim Allen)
Elf
My favorite Christmas Music:
Mariah Carey (Favorite song: All I Want for Christmas is You)
Amy Grant (Favorite songs: Grown-up Christmas List, Breath of Heaven)
Chris Rice: (Favorite song: Welcome to Our World)
Josh Groban (Favorite song: Little Drummer Boy)
Dashboard Confessional (Favorite song: The Only Gift that I Need)
Johnny Mercer and Margaret Whiting (Favorite song: Baby, It’s Cold Outside)
My favorite Christmas Traditions:
~ My family goes to the Christmas Eve service at church. I wait all year to sing “O, Holy Night,” but especially to see the candlelight slowly spread throughout the room as the grand finale.
~ On Christmas Eve, my mom always makes really good chowder with tomatoes in it.
~ My brother and I buy one gift for each family member, and those gifts are opened on Christmas Eve.
~ Since we never had family close enough to visit on Christmas Day, we would stay in our pajamas all day. Even now, we see how long we can stay in our pajamas.
~ We take as long as we can to open presents; no rushing.
~ Ham and mashed potatoes: Christmas day necessities.
~ Walking down a street where every house is covered in lights. My favorites are the houses with white lights, straight, and neat.
Oh how I love this time of year!
My favorite Christmas Movies:
The Muppet Christmas Carol
A Christmas Story
The Grinch (with Jim Carey)
The Santa Clause (with Tim Allen)
Elf
My favorite Christmas Music:
Mariah Carey (Favorite song: All I Want for Christmas is You)
Amy Grant (Favorite songs: Grown-up Christmas List, Breath of Heaven)
Chris Rice: (Favorite song: Welcome to Our World)
Josh Groban (Favorite song: Little Drummer Boy)
Dashboard Confessional (Favorite song: The Only Gift that I Need)
Johnny Mercer and Margaret Whiting (Favorite song: Baby, It’s Cold Outside)
My favorite Christmas Traditions:
~ My family goes to the Christmas Eve service at church. I wait all year to sing “O, Holy Night,” but especially to see the candlelight slowly spread throughout the room as the grand finale.
~ On Christmas Eve, my mom always makes really good chowder with tomatoes in it.
~ My brother and I buy one gift for each family member, and those gifts are opened on Christmas Eve.
~ Since we never had family close enough to visit on Christmas Day, we would stay in our pajamas all day. Even now, we see how long we can stay in our pajamas.
~ We take as long as we can to open presents; no rushing.
~ Ham and mashed potatoes: Christmas day necessities.
~ Walking down a street where every house is covered in lights. My favorites are the houses with white lights, straight, and neat.
Oh how I love this time of year!
Monday, December 3, 2007
Christmas 2007
This Christmas is so different from the rest I have seen. First of all, it hasn't really been cold enough to believe it's December. I wish I lived where it snowed. I also wish I was closer to my family in Ohio. I appreciate them now as I am getting older and wish we could celebrate the season together. Someday, when I'm rich, I'll buy tickets to Ohio whenever I want.
Last night I decorated my apartment for the holiday. It was fun and I am sure I woke some neighbors with my hammering (the stockings and lights had to be hung!) It's really festive, even though I'll only enjoy it for the 2 remaining weeks that I'll be in Azusa. My tree is no taller than 4 feet, but it makes my non-home a little more bearable.
I realized something really shocking. This is my first Christmas as a single girl since 8th grade! I always have had a boyfriend around this time of year, but [almost] never during the summer. I won't have to think of a creative/ meaningful gift this year, which is great! But it's slightly lonely. We went to see the lights on Thoroughbred Street in Rancho Cucamonga last night, and I walked with my two friends and their boyfriends. I don't know which was worse: being a fifth wheel or remembering that last year, someone walked that street with me.
And yet, I am content. Christmas reminds me of my memories, my family, and my favorite traditions. So I will finish this semester with Christmas' soon approach in mind.
Last night I decorated my apartment for the holiday. It was fun and I am sure I woke some neighbors with my hammering (the stockings and lights had to be hung!) It's really festive, even though I'll only enjoy it for the 2 remaining weeks that I'll be in Azusa. My tree is no taller than 4 feet, but it makes my non-home a little more bearable.
I realized something really shocking. This is my first Christmas as a single girl since 8th grade! I always have had a boyfriend around this time of year, but [almost] never during the summer. I won't have to think of a creative/ meaningful gift this year, which is great! But it's slightly lonely. We went to see the lights on Thoroughbred Street in Rancho Cucamonga last night, and I walked with my two friends and their boyfriends. I don't know which was worse: being a fifth wheel or remembering that last year, someone walked that street with me.
And yet, I am content. Christmas reminds me of my memories, my family, and my favorite traditions. So I will finish this semester with Christmas' soon approach in mind.
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