Starting New

There were days when it seemed I would never find my way. Sometimes, I seriously felt like giving up and giving in. The academics were impossible, the drama was unbearable, the rent was un-payable, the headaches, the backaches, and the heartaches, inconsolable.

BUT I MADE IT.

I finally finished college, something I only dreamed of doing since three and a half years ago when I started hating waking up to the life before me. But now it's over. There are no more papers lingering over my head. My stress has diminished and my rent is free. The only reminders of the last four years are the student loans and the remnant pains in my back, still sore from the stress I carried between my shoulders.

Denial continues to convince me that at some unexpected moment a test will be assigned. And yet, somewhere in my soul I am realizing the freedom I have. Now, I can re-create my life. I am a whole new 'Mallory,' taking those first precious steps towards a real opportunity. I finally have control back of who I am and what I want to do. It's an unexpressible feeling.

:: Now What? ::
Who knows. But I don't care. Anything ahead is better than what lies behind me.

I have set personal goals to encourage me to be the genuine, honest, wise person that I desire to be. I'm not letting all of those "lessons" of the past four years go to waste! Here are a few, just for taste:
~ Always be currently reading a book. I spent an hour at Barnes and Noble today, and I bought 2 books online tonight. I also sorted through my old books to freshen up on some of my old favorites.
~ Learn other languages. I have a sign language book that will help me continue learning ASL. Then I hope to learn Spanish. I should have done that a long time ago, I'm afraid...
~ Learn to play the piano. I failed miserably in my class this semester, surprisingly receiving a 'B' anyway. I sure fooled my professor!
~ Find a church, get involved. This means finding a young singles Bible study, volunteering at Monday Night Manna [serving the local homeless], and attending regularly! Also, I need to tithe... Yikes.
~ Subscribe to smart magazines. I already bought Psychology Today and have read quite a bit of it. I don't want my major, or my brain, to go to waste.
~ Work out at the gym. Shouldn't we all do this more?


That's my plan and I'm stickin' to it.

:: Fun things ::
Best recent quote: "That ain't no etch-a-sketch. This is one doodle that can't be un-did, homeskillet." From the movie, Juno.

Best recent song & lyrics: "Summer Song" by Wavorly



Spread the blanket on top, and I’ll turn off the lights
And we’ll gaze at the stars
With you by my side, the moon set to the right
It’s incomparable so far

I haven’t stopped falling in love
Haven’t stopped falling

Two years ago, I had no idea that you were so perfect
As we wait so long, until we join hands
You make the wait worth it

I haven’t stopped falling in love
Haven’t stopped falling

Now years down the road
Still hasn’t gotten old to sit and laugh the day away
There’s one thing you should know
My love for you grows even more every day

I haven’t stopped falling in love
Haven’t stopped falling in love

And the day that I finally can take you home
There’s no way that I’m ever, ever letting go
We’ll be ok, though miles may separate
There’s no space between our hearts
And this day, I choose to keep loving you
As if it were a choice, I can’t stop falling…

I haven’t stopped falling in love

It's ironic, ya know? Titling this post "Staring New" and then ending with a song which, interpreted personally, has nothing to do with staring over... I'm just not ready yet...