4-Year Testimony

I want these posts to be:
honest but inspiring,
real but impressive,
complete but hand picked.

Yet I can't always do that. I get upset just like the next guy, and for me, I seem to be that way more often than not. I don't know what I am missing...

So today, here it is, raw, uncut, uncensored. My 4-year testimony. Read at your own risk!

Never in my life have I endured such a terrible span of time as I have since I began college. That sentence doesn't put it into complete perspective. Here: After all of the times we moved when I was younger, when I lost friends and watched our family struggle through financial problems, when I thought that the drama in high school was the worst it could be, I had no idea that someday I would long for those moments compared to now. That's somewhat better.

I've had a run of bad luck, to say the least. I moved to APU in the Fall filled with hopes and expectations. By October, I was already sitting in the laundry room late at night crying because of my loneliness. But I came to APU with the hopes of community and decided to stick it out. I had never felt so isolated in my life. I lived on a dorm hall with an RA who was more interested in her boyfriend than her residents, most of the girls were partiers and straight up mean, I lived with my dear high school friend, but our differences drew us apart. I had a boyfriend who wasn't satisfied until I talked to him for 4 hours a night instead of putting it towards my homework and social life. We were usually fighting. I joined a D-Group in hopes of finding God, and instead I found a leader who detailed, not the Bible, but her sex expeditions from the week. I was sleep-deprived and I lost 20 pounds, by accident. So a year went by, and I only could claim one wonderful friend out of 4,000. Kelly and I were inseperable, or so I thought. She hated APU as much as I did and told me that she wasn't returning in the Fall. So within a month I lost my best friend, my roommate, and my boyfriend. Time to start over. Again.
Sophomore year wasn't much better. The best part was having a roommate elope in Vegas and get pregnant soon after. At least I got my own room out of it! And the beginning of my relationship with my new boyfriend was a welcome adventure, despite the fact that no one approved of me the whole time I was dating him, which was about 18 months. But I was still lonely, still wanting to connect. Out of all of these people, shouldn't I find someone who understood me? Apparently that was too much to ask. My boyfriend and I broke up; we fought a lot, too. I got new roommates, again. My ultimate best friend moved to the other side of the country, got married, and got pregnant. I just kept losing people! I prayed daily, "God, please send me one person!" Maybe He will get back to me eventually...
Last year I started counseling. I was diagnosed with depression. I found a friend who was crazy, but I clung to her in the hopes that she was the answer to my prayers. She wasn't. She stabbed me in the back, and continues to do so. I go out on the weekends and every guy I meet wants to be my best friend until he finds out I won't end up in a lip-lock with him by the end of the night. The girls are regressing back to middle school drama and attitudes. And I am left shocked and bewildered by what I have witnessed. No one cares here, no one listens. I hated my high school as an "institution" but loved the people, and now I hate my college because of the people but love the "institution." I wish I could go back to high school. But I can't.

What should I do?

Praise God I am almost out of here. In May, I will be graduating. The future is unknown, but I am certain that I will not stay here. Please, God, let this be a phase and let it be almost over. I can't endure it much longer!

As always, thanks for reading...